invade my heart

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--His good, pleasing, and perfect will."
Romans 12:2 


I'll admit something. Lately, I've been craving Reconciliation with my Lord. I confess that I have become comfortable in my faith. I have compared my faith to the faith of the world surrounding me, and let myself off the hook. I have been given the gift of a natural Faith, a heart that believes and trusts with every cell. In comparison to those around me, I can easily tell myself that I do enough--that I can slow down. I can feel this sensation creeping up on me over time. It doesn't happen all at once, but over a few months. I begin to experience a routine faith: daily conversation with God, regular mass attendance, but a slow separation between other parts of my life and God. To me, this is the point where I begin to notice my need for Reconciliation. I desire a faith that overwhelms and pours over into my entire life. We cannot live a compartmentalized life, only welcoming God into our "Sunday Self." I desire God to fill every nook and cranny of my life, and I especially invite Him into those dark places--those that are most untouched by His light. 


When I experience a lack of passion in my faith, it is mostly characterized by an overall feeling that I can rationalize sin in my life. It's hard to be critical of the sin in my life when I am surrounded by people of all types--if "Everyone's doing it, why can't I?" And surely, "why should I feel bad about it if no one else does?" But rationalizing sin only weakens my heart and makes me ordinary. As a Christian, I strive to be extraordinary--a disciple worthy of carrying on Christ's work in the world. Just as it is easy to slip out of healthy living habits, it is easy to get lazy in faith.


Anything that does not build up, encourage and beautify my life is not God. It is so easy to be discouraged by the world around me, but I must be strong and constantly remind myself of this. I must admit that I am a sinner, and I must cling to God and place in Him the hope of my Salvation. God came down from Heaven in order to "save sinners of whom I am first." God doesn't want to expose my sin in order to put me on a guilt trip, but rather, He exposes my sins in order for me to understand that my life means something to Him. He removes my sin so I can love others the way He loves them.


No longer do I approach religion; rather, I approach a relationship. Jesus isn't just some great role model to me, He is my life. I am in love; I am in relationship with Christ; God is my Father who is always by my side. 


I pray that God will expose all of the sin in my life. I pray that He will expose all that is not of Him in my heart. Any sin, big or small, pushes me farther away from Him. I deal with the same sins over & over again, but I will not lose hope. I constantly lay my life down before Christ, and offer Him my entire heart. As God has been exposing my sins to me, I am liberated from them, they no longer are a part of me. He breaks me down only to rebuild me again in order to shelter His name. 


As God reveals more and more things in my life that I must let go of, I only fall deeper and deeper in love with Him. There are scars in my life that I never thought would heal, but as long as I am in the Light, and allow God to encourage me, I am free. My most well kept secrets, my deepest shames--He has already forgiven me. Through His Sacrifice, He perfects me. 


It amazes me how God can still inspire my faith deeper, stretch my heart wider, and liberate me even more from the chains of sin. I no longer am worried. I don't look to what others have or what I think I want. Instead, I look to Him. I know in my heart that He is--truly--all I need. He already is giving me a thrilling ride, setting my heart on fire, and revealing Himself to me around every corner. 


If you open your eyes to what's going on around  you, I guarantee you'll find God working in your life. It just takes some time to practice being mindful. God doesn't always appear in the people that "make" your day. Sometimes He reveals Himself to us in those who we do not necessarily feel attracted to. We must seek out those who are cast out, those who feel they have little worth, and allow God to work through us in order to reach their hearts. By opening up our lives to "the least of these," you will welcome God in through the front door of your life. We are not called to cover our Light, but to be a Light to the world around us that is covered by darkness. There are so many people out there who cannot "see" because of the darkness that consumes their lives. Let us wake up and be that Light for these people.


I am reconciling my heart with God. I am coming home, and I have set aside my anxieties. It is so natural and simple for me to search relentlessly for what I think I need in order to be fulfilled. Have you ever wanted to be someone else? Have you ever wanted life to be more than it seems? "If I could only have that job, if only I could make more money, if only I had a boyfriend--then I'd be happy." How human is this thought process? Sadly, once we attain what it is we think we need, we are left seeking something else. We try to fill our hearts with so many things, so many other relationships, so many false hopes; when the only way to truly feel full is by letting go of everything -- all attachments, all desires, all plans -- and surrender to Him alone: "Our hearts are restless until they rest in You" (St. Augustine of Hippo).


<3

courage

{[thanks mom <3]}


Courage is grace under pressure.

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.

Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow.

Courage takes many forms.  There is physical courage, there is moral courage, then there is a still higher type of courage, -- the courage to brave pain, to live with it, to never let others know of it and to still find joy in  life; to wake up in the morning with an enthusiasm for the day ahead.

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.  You are able to say to yourself, "I lived through this horror.  I can take the next thing that comes along."

What is more mortifying than to feel that you have missed the plum for want of courage to shake the tree?

From the Book:

The Change-Your-Life Quote Book

by Allen Klein

life without borders

Hey! So, I'm sorry for not posting for a while, but here I am with something worth blogging about. Last night I went to Old St. Pat's to listen to Father Michael Pfleger, the pastor of St. Sabina's, speak about justice without borders. Pfleger is known for his liberal activism throughout Chicago and beyond. He has been involved in many issues and is the founder of many employment resource centers, youth centers, shelters, etc. in Chicago. He is especially concerned with breaking down the walls of racism and denominationalism by building unity among all people based on Jesus' command to love one another. 


I was really inspired by Pfleger's talk on social justice. So, I'm going to try to sum up what he talked about, and add in my two cents, if ya don't mind. He talked about how today's church has developed a lot of "safety rules." Unlike the early church, that could be described as "dangerous," we live in a period where we do not want to offend one another, we don't want to talk about anything controversial. Basically, churches today have become places that don't want to rock the boat. But, Pflager dared us to become part of a dangerous church, more like that of the Apostles. We must leave our comfort zone and go to where the pain is. According to Pflager, and I'd have to agree, Jesus was the most dangerous man that has ever lived. Jesus knocked down the tables of tax collectors, He befriended criminals and prostitutes, and ultimately He was crucified for His challenge to the status quo. Working for social justice issues is never going to be easy, it comes with a cost. The question is, do we have the courage to be different, to stand up to institutions and systems of injustice, and to be a voice for the voiceless? Are we ready to be possibly cast out or persecuted for these actions? 


The call to be a Christian does not involve conformity or compliance. The call doesn't ask us to be conservative. The call asks us to live outside of the norm, to avoid conforming to the world that surrounds us, to be a light within the darkness. 


Pfleger has stood up to a variety of issues including militarism, racism, sexism, violence, classicism, inadequate education, the celebrity culture and the disproportionate incarceration of young black men. 


He brought up a good question, asking why the shooting of U.S. Rep. Gabrielle Giffords was so widely covered in the press when children are losing their lives to violence and going unnoticed. He told us that we must become just as outraged when children die everyday who are of color. It's true. It got me thinking, why do we, as a culture, give greater value to some people? Honestly, I really don't care to hear another update about William and Kate's royal wedding. Will ya just get married already! I don't think we need to know about the cake, the dress, the reception. That's great for them, really, but why must we make them so much more important than my brother who's getting married in October? Or my neighbor who's tying the knot this fall? Of course, I don't expect the press to be covering these weddings, but I'm only trying to make the point that we live in a culture that is so obsessed with the lives of the "elite," of a select few. So much so that we have to hear every detail about their lives. I want to know about the woman who lost her son to gang violence on the west side of my city. I want to know about the dress that my future sister-in-law is going to be wearing at her wedding. I want to know what's on your heart and in your mind. Want to know why? Because you have value. Just as much as William, just as much as Kate, and just as much as Rep. Giffords. No single person on this planet is any more or any less valuable than another. We are all an essential part of the Body of Christ. 


Jesus didn't exist in a world confined by a "church." Every single person, Jew and Gentile alike, were (and are) a part of His church. He never set up any borders to His Kingdom. There were no fancy buildings, no dues, no dress codes. The only requirement to be a part of the Kingdom of God is love. Love without borders. Compassion without borders. Justice without borders. Forgiveness without borders. 


So, how do we get there, you ask? Well, I'd have to say that we must listen to what our hearts are telling us. What are you most compassionate about? Are there any issues of injustice that can't seem to stop bothering you? If not, maybe start by volunteering at a homeless shelter or a soup kitchen, I can almost guarantee inspiration. Another great idea that I just came across is keeping a gratitude journal. I was told to write five things everyday that I was grateful for. I'm not going to lie, at first I was like, 'crap how am I going to think of FIVE things EVERY day?' Um...Dana, seriously? The first day I sat down to write, I went on for four pages. Give it a try, it's fun and really eye opening. Most importantly, we have to stop asking, stop pleading, stop worrying so much--and just listen. God doesn't scream or yell the answers to us, but instead, He whispers them into our hearts. The world is not against us, as it may seem to be at times, it is actually here to embrace us -- but only if we allow it to. 


The most important thing (some would argue) about being a Christian is not going to Church every Sunday, it's not about being afraid to break the rules that man has made regarding the Eucharist and other church doctrine, I'd have to say it's not even about fully believing that Christ is the "only" way. (eek that might have really offended some people, lo siento) Being a real Christian, a real son or daughter of God, a real citizen of humanity, is about helping our brothers and sisters that are less fortunate. In simpler words, it's about being a huge, overflowing, tub of LOVE. Not just for those that are in our own circles, but for every single dingle one of us--convicts, gang members, nuns, spoiled kids, grandpas, grandmas, the mentally ill, the overly pious, the pot head down the block, those that are different from us--even the guy who has really sweaty hands that you don't want to shake during the sign of peace. YES, all of those--we are to LOVE them. Jesus doesn't love me any more or any less than He loves you, nor any more or less than he loves a violent gang member. Jesus has instructed us:

"For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

“The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’" 

-Matthew 25: 35-40

The way that we treat others, especially the "least of these," is the way that we treat the Lord. Let this be on our minds as we go throughout our days. Let us not be tricked by our culture that tries to make us believe that celebrities are of more value than the homeless man who stands at the Fullerton exit every single day. Let us make decisions governed by love and let us not be afraid to do the work that we are called to do. Let us stand up to injustice and care for the "least of these." Let us not be afraid of one another. Let us go beyond ourselves. Let us live our lives without borders.


-dana


Thanks for reading, I apologize if I offended anyone, feel free to let me know if I did! 

gratitude

Send some rain, would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid
But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain

Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight
Wrap us up and warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time
Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead 

And if we never taste that bread

Oh, the differences that often are between
What we want and what we really need

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace might be another world away
And if that's the case . . .

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace

But Jesus, would You please . . .

His heart is full of love love love

I've always loved Christmas. It makes me feel warm and bright even when the weather tries everything in it's power to bring me down. I have so many vivid memories of driving to Grandma's house on Christmas eve. It's already dark outside, and I'm tucked into the back seat of our family car. I always love the ride to Grandma's because part of it is through a forest preserve that I've always thought was magical. I can stretch myself up just high enough so I can peak over the window to look for "reindeer" skipping around with their babies. I smell the scent of candles burning and see picture frames wrapped like presents hanging on the walls. Grandma's apartment has turned into a winter wonderland. I see my Grandpa sitting on his chair; my Grandma and Aunt dancing around the kitchen. I feel warm and safe. Nothing can beat how pretty mommy looks tonight, or how handsome daddy is in his Christmas sweater, of course wearing the Christmas Mickey socks we got him the year before. Alec, Jenna and I lay on the floor, playing games and joking around with Gramps. I help Grandma set the table, and pour water in all of the glasses. We sit down, Grandma at one end, Grandpa at the other. I sit next to Grandpa. He always says the prayer. Grandpa never cries except on Christmas Eve. He talks about going to mass earlier in the day, and seeing the birthday cake with thousands of candles lit up for Jesus. He says how proud he is of his family and how much he loves us, even if he doesn't always do the best job at showing it. I think to myself, this isn't really how you say a prayer, is it? But, now I see, it is more of a prayer than many people will ever know in their lifetime. After we eat, Grandma starts passing around the oplatek (apparently that's what it's called). It's a wafer that is embossed with a picture of the nativity or Mary. She breaks it and gives it to my sister who's sitting next to her. As she hands it over, she offers Jenna a prayer. It makes its way around the table until we have all been given a prayer. Dinner's over, and it's time to look for Grandma & Grandpa's gift bags! They work all year to fill these bags for each of their children and grandchildren, usually with silly gifts that make us all laugh. Each of us has a turn to sit in the special Christmas chair and open our gifts with an applauding audience. After some dessert and coffee for the grown ups, Jenna and I put on our PJs and everyone knows it's about that time to be getting home. 


We drive home and I wonder why the snow sparkles. 


When we get home, everyone gets into their PJs, we set out some milk & cookies by the fireplace, and we all meet around the manger. We say a prayer and each put a piece of hay for every good deed we've done in the past day into Jesus' bed before we lay Him down to rest. It's Alec's turn this year to put the baby Jesus in his manger. I stay a little longer this year as everyone else goes off in their own directions. I watch the scene in front of me come to life. How could this little baby, so tiny and fragile, be so strong? It amazed me to think that this little baby would become Jesus Christ. Suddenly, I was confused. If it was Jesus' birthday, why was I waiting for presents? I go to the kitchen and pull out some crayons and paper. I make a birthday card for Jesus. I fold it up tight and put it in an envelope. Dear Santa, please drop this card off to Jesus before you go back to the North Pole. Thank you so much. Love, Dana. I run to the fireplace, stick the note under Santa's milk glass, and smile.


. . .


This year, things are different. I still love Christmas, but I just see things from a new perspective. I love the way Christmas holds such an important spot in our lives that we start filling our house up a week beforehand with family members. I love giving my bed up for my aunt and sharing a room with my brother and sister, even if that means we don't get much sleep because we can't stop joking around. 


This is what Christmas is about, being together.


As I run through the mall, trying to get out with as little whip lash as possible, I notice how high-strung some of the people are around me. I can almost hear what's going on in their heads, never ending "to do" lists, etc etc. 


But, Christmas isn't about the negative. Sure, we're being pressured in every direction to consume more & more. And, that's enough to make steam blow out of my ears. But, if I'm going to keep Christmas what it is for me, then I've got to be responsible for myself. I've taught a few yoga classes during this past week, so as I reflected on my intention for those classes, this is what came up: I have the ability to be at peace. I asked my students to bring to mind a stressful situation that always comes up with the holidays, whether it be a difficult relative, too much on the "to do" list, or dealing with the loss of a loved one at this time of year. I think for many of us, we can relate to each of these, and maybe more. During this time of year, we tend to glide back into tradition--whether that be good or not so good. If we're upset every year by the same person, what if we met them with new eyes this year? I urged my students to use their breath the way they use it during class: breathe through pain, persevere, and smile. Whatever the situation is, when you see yourself responding in a negative way, take a moment to close your eyes and just breathe. Now, the next part, I didn't say in my classes, but it's what I use for myself. After I take a moment to breathe, I ask myself how I can respond in the most loving way. A very wise person once told me to treat other people like royalty. I like that. And, that's what I try to do. 


I can't change the way that the people around me celebrate Christmas. But, I can change how I respond. Instead of constantly fighting the over-consumption, I can stop critiquing and try to understand why it bothers me so much. It bothers me because it allows us a way to get through Christmas without once acknowledging the true meaning. But, I now see that if I spend all of my time wishing for this to change, I sure am not acknowledging the reason for the season either. So instead, this year, I want to be reflective and mindful throughout the celebrations & take some special time to be quiet within my own heart to be with Christ.


Throughout the last few months, living in East LA, and being part of a community that practices Latino Catholicism, I have grown more deeply attached to la Virgen. She is such a beautiful figure of courage, especially as a young woman. 


This Christmas, I think about how open to life Mary was. I am humbled by her incredible strength and courage to say "yes" to God. She risked her life for God's will to be done. How amazing is her love? Her saying yes to God's question changed everything for us. Her trust in God and openness to life was so strong and her answer allowed us to be brought from death to life. There is a song written by Danielle Rose, the lyrics go: "O Mary, mother of Jesus, give me your heart, that I might receive Jesus." Every time that I walk up to receive the Eucharist, I sing these words in my head. Truly, Mary knew how to receive God in her life, and I yearn for a heart like hers; a heart that's open with no strings attached. 


So, this year, I finally am ready to "say yes." For the last six years, I have been really thinking about officially becoming Catholic. Most people are confused when I say this, because they think I'm already Catholic. But, I'm not! Surprise! My brother, sister, and I were all baptized in the Greek Orthodox Church because my dad is Greek Orthodox. However, my mom is Catholic, so we've grown up with both churches. I feel really blessed to have had this because I see things that I love about each church. 


I think the best decision that I ever made was to go on the ND Vision retreat the summer before going to college. This decision led me away from Indiana University (which I still think is an amazing place, just wasn't for me) to Saint Mary's College, which then led me to the University of San Diego, and ultimately to my involvement in the Jesuit Volunteer Corps. I had grown up attending public schools, but college was the perfect time for me to explore a Catholic education. I am who I am because I was so supported and fulfilled by the amazing experience of going to Catholic colleges. The opportunities that arose for deeper faith exploration and service were countless. I truly learned how to foster a life of faith, and that is more than I could ask for from any degree. 


The Greek Orthodox Church is wonderful, and I will always love and continue to celebrate the traditions there. But, the Catholic church is home. It has changed who I am. I am definitely not blind, I am very aware of everything that is wrong with the Church. It's a lie to say that I agree with every teaching, every doctrine. I definitely don't. But, what's important is that I have found a community in the Church. I have found a community of people that are just trying to love one another. I think that almost every Church is like this, and we just need to find which one resonates with us individually. 


So, tonight, I am saying "yes" in my own small way. I am becoming a Catholic. Father Paddy asked me to say a profession of faith at the Christmas Eve mass in order to make things official. It's just a small way for me to say yes to God; I believe that He has called me to this Church, and I am so excited and proud to finally be able to say, yes, I am Catholic. :) 


So I leave you with this thought.  What do you want to get out of Christmas this year? How can you deal with stress in a more productive and mindful way this year? 


Most importantly, what can you do to say yes to God in your own life? 


Remember to breathe <3






She was his girl; he was her boyfriend 
She be his wife; take him as her husband 
A surprise on the way, any day, any day 
One healthy little giggling dribbling baby boy 
The wise men came three made their way 
To shower him with love 
While he lay in the hay 
Shower him with love love love 
Love love love 
Love love is all around 
Not very much of his childhood was known 
Kept his mother Mary worried 
Always out on his own 
He met another Mary for a reasonable fee, less than 
Reputable as known to be 

His heart was full of love love love 
Love love love 
Love love is all around 
When Jesus Christ was nailed to the his tree 
Said "oh, Daddy-o I can see how it all soon will be 
I came to shed a little light on this darkening scene 
Instead I fear I spill the blood of my children all around" 

The blood of our children all around 
The blood of our children all around 
The blood of our children all around 
So the story goes, so I'm told 
The people he knew were 
Less than golden hearted 
Gamblers and robbers 
Drinkers and jokers, all soul searchers 
Like you and me 

Rumors insisited he soon would be 
For his deviations 
Taken into custody by the authorities 
Less informed than he. 
Drinkers and jokers. all soul searchers 
Searching for love love love 
Love love love 
Love love is all around 

Preparations were made 
For his celebration day 
He said "eat this bread and think of it as me 
Drink this wine and dream it will be 
The blood of our children all around 
The blood of our children all around" 
The blood of our children all around 

Father up above, why in all this anger have you filled 
Me up with love 
Fill me love love love 
Love love love 
Love love 
And the blood of our children all around


-dmb

love does not keep locked inside

One of the prayers that I find myself repeating daily is that God would use me as Her instrument (yeah I said "Her," like it?). I close my eyes and picture myself laying my life down at the feet of Christ. I want to be made whole in order to serve, in order to bring others nearer to Him, "Everything I am, everything I long to be, I lay it down at Your feet" (Matt Maher). I see myself like clay, wet to the touch. I pray that I always stay supple, and open to change. In whichever way my Maker desires to mold me, I am ready. Well, I pray I am ready. 


I'm reading this book called Living Your Yoga by Judith Lasater. It's really been helping me put into words what I've been feeling. Although yoga seems to be a solitary practice, I've seen a transformation in my life off of the mat. The strength of my yoga practice is not measured by my ability to stand on my head for twenty minutes (which I've never tried) but I see the benefits in the way that I relate to others...to my community.


It's all about compassion. Ok, I know, you've heard that word a million times. But, what does it really mean? It is actually derived from Latin, the combination of the prefix com and the word pati means "to suffer with." The Yoga Sutra implies that compassion should be expressed to everyone at all times, and it is through this that we will be purified. We can only strengthen our ability to be compassionate by repeatedly expressing it. Practice makes perfect, yeah? 


Have you ever noticed how the most compassionate people in your life seem to be the ones who have gone through the most shit? (sorry?) But, really. Isn't it true? Compassion goes hand in hand with wisdom. And wisdom is gained from experience. Our experiences lead directly back to compassion. If I fully realize that I, in fact, have suffered, then I am able to see with clarity that others, in fact, suffer as well. I cannot stand alongside another who is suffering with a turned cheek, because I have been there, too. The only way to respond is to use compassion, to suffer with others. 


Last spring, I had this incredible experience to be front crew chief on USD's SEARCH retreat. This basically meant that I was in charge of the 8 leaders who were going to be giving witnesses and leading small groups on the retreat. This proved to be the most incredible experience for me to cultivate compassion. Throughout the semester, I met with each of the leaders and helped them develop their talks. Each one of them had a story, as all of us do. I was able to be with them along the process of finding the grace that exists within each of their stories. When the time came for the retreat, I had the honor of sitting next to each of them. I got to hold their hands, or put my arm around them as they read their witnesses. I was able to be God's hands for them. All I had to do was give my heart completely over to each of them. I will never forget the way it felt to give all of my love to a person who was suffering. The love that I received from the leaders was, and still is, immeasurable. I am forever changed because of this experience. 


Another experience that I feel called to witness to happened the day that we returned back to USD from the SEARCH retreat. We arrived back on campus in the afternoon, I went to lunch with some of my friends from the retreat, and got back in my car to drive home for a quick shower before the welcome back mass. I remember getting into my car and turning on my phone for the first time in three days. I started driving out of the parking structure and down the hill by the entrance of campus as I listened to my messages. I heard my aunt's voice in her message as she said, "I am so sorry to hear about your grandpa." My stomach dropped. The next message was my dad asking me to call as soon as I could. All I could do was press my foot on the break and park my car in the middle of the street. I was paralyzed. My friend Chase was driving behind me, and when he saw this, he ran to my car. I remember Chase pulling me out of my car and sitting me down on the sidewalk, then moving both of our cars safely to the side of the street. He sat with me as I suffered. He called two of my best friends, Paula and Kelsey. They dropped whatever they were doing and were holding me within minutes. That day, I was never left alone. They brought me back to my apartment to get ready for mass, and drove me back to Founder's Chapel. All of the people at USD that I love so dearly were surrounding me at mass, most of them not knowing what was going on. I couldn't keep myself together throughout mass, the loss of my grandpa was too much to bear. After mass, my friends sat with me in the pews. I don't even know how many hands were placed on me as I sat there, lost. After probably twenty minutes, I looked up and realized that more of my friends had gathered in a circle in the aisle next to me. They were holding hands and praying for me and my family. But, it didn't stop there. I was overwhelmed with the love that my community was showering me with. The priests that work on campus dedicated masses to my grandpa, my friends held prayer groups for my family during free periods, and I received so many hugs, there was no way I could fall apart. And that's how I'd describe what happened. I was being supported in every single direction, there was no way that my heart could break apart. This amazing community acted as God's hands, feet, eyes, and mouth for me during this time. Through their compassion, I was able to not only be held together, but to grow exponentially in my own love towards others. 


In my yoga classes, I challenge people to go to uncomfortable places--be it physical, emotional or mental. I challenge people to experience pain and to sit with it. But, my intention is only love. In my experience, growth is the most painful process that I have ever gone through. Growing pains are real. However, things that are good are sometimes difficult, but not all things that are difficult are always good. It is important for me to not use my place as a teacher to coerce or pressure my students into doing something that they do not want to do. Both the student and I must practice compassion--towards ourselves and each other. If we always act from the heart of compassion then there will be no confusion, we will always know what to do. 


Love is not proud
Love does not boast
Love afterall matters the most
Love does not run
Love does not hide
Love does not keep locked inside


Love is the river that flows through
Love never fails you.


Love will sustain
Love will provide
Love will not cease at the end of time
Love will protect
Love always hopes
Love still believes when you don't


Love is the arms that are holding you
Love never fails you. 


When my heart won't make a sound
When it can't turn back around
When the sky is falling down
Nothing is greater than this


Love is right here
Love is ALIVE
Love is the way, the truth, the light


Love is the river that flows through
Love is the arms that are holding you
and Love is the place you will fly to
Love never fails you.






Open your heart. Love like there's no tomorrow. Love without boundaries. Love with no strings attached. If you do this, if you practice compassion, I promise you'll feel the arms that are holding you. They have been holding you all along. 

you may return here once you realize you are always here

If you come to one of my yoga classes, you'll most likely hear me say something like this: "every posture (or asana) does not truly begin until you want to get out of it." I ask the people taking my class to think about what this means for their yoga practice. Some of the postures are really uncomfortable and all that we want to do is move into the next posture to find some sort of relief. But, I challenge myself and my students to stay with the discomfort, to breathe into it. "Every posture does not truly begin until we want to get out of it." 


I really like this lesson. The first time I heard it, it rocked my world. My practice was changed forever. I learned the importance of breath and how we can accomplish almost anything we put our minds to if we just breathe. I also learned that I was stronger than I thought I was. I think we all could use that knowledge.


The idea of burning through discomfort and coming out stronger on the other side is really beautiful and promotes so much growth, but it can only be done with a compassionate heart. While teaching last night, I began to think, is it really a good lesson to teach people to sit with discomfort? Or am I hurting them? To be honest, I probably heard this lesson so many times before, but it was not until one class about three years ago that I actually heard it. I think we begin to understand important lessons once we are ready to make a change. So much of what we call wisdom is really just a shift in perspective. We have all that we need already within us, we just have to realize that it is already here. This reminds me of a quote by T.S. Eliot:


We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time. 

I also like to think of this concept as a way for people to find God in their lives. I think it's fair to say that most of us have had those experiences of love, a rush of emotion that takes over and for just a moment, we are able to see the world in a whole new way. This love, I would argue, is God. Many of us have had a glimpse of Him in our lives, but sometimes it's hard to have faith that He is always here, within us. I'm thinking that the realization that God is always present is truly just a radical change in perspective as well:


"At that moment of realization (that union with God is always present), that's when God let me go, let me slide through His fingers with this last compassionate, unspoken message: 


You may return here once you have fully come to understand that you are always here." 


-Elizabeth Gilbert




You may return here once you realize you are always here. How cool is that? 


So this is all great. But, back to the yoga point. After class last night, I came home and started reading one of my books about yoga. I read the definition of "asana" (the physical practice of yoga), the definition from the Yoga Sutra is "The posture should be steady and comfortable." Hmmm...is that really what I've been teaching? I think in our Western mindset we tend to go to yoga for a really great workout, for Madonna arms and a killer core. That's a great side affect of yoga, but is it the main intention? No. 


I thought about this definition and came to realize that by using the exercise mantra of "no pain, no gain" we are only harming ourselves with self-judging internal dialogue. I read, "there was no way that I could be harsh toward myself and, at the same time, be compassionate to others. I realized also that the process of silently putting myself down was actually a form of egoism." This got me thinking that if I expect more of myself than I do of others, I am actually saying that I am better than others, and therefore must perform at a higher level. This doesn't mean that I should not set goals for myself, but it is how I react to my inability to meet the goals that is important. When I let myself get into the mode of self-judgement, I no longer am present; essentially, I no longer am practicing yoga. When I live free from self-judgement, I am able to live "steady and comfortable," present to my own life. When I live this way, I am living fully. 


What if we all thought about ourselves like this? Next time someone gives you a compliment, smile and say "thank you." If you tell yourself that you have to work out for an hour everyday, give yourself a break if you haven't been keeping up with that goal. If you tell yourself you're not eating sugar for the next week, and find yourself eating an oreo, let it go. Be easy on yourself. Be tender yet bold. Be as forgiving to yourself as you are to the people around you. Allow your true self to shine through. Don't be ashamed of your greatness, don't shrink down and hide your light. If we allow our own light to shine, we in turn allow others to do the same:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine.

We were born to make manifest the glory that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. 

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

-Mariane Williamson

So my challenge to you is not to try hard but to try easy, be gentle and kind to yourself. Stay present to your own life by letting go of self-judgement. Let go of your grip on what you think you believe to be open to a shift in perspective. I promise once you let go, you'll be able to see what had been there the whole time. 


<3