I've always loved Christmas. It makes me feel warm and bright even when the weather tries everything in it's power to bring me down. I have so many vivid memories of driving to Grandma's house on Christmas eve. It's already dark outside, and I'm tucked into the back seat of our family car. I always love the ride to Grandma's because part of it is through a forest preserve that I've always thought was magical. I can stretch myself up just high enough so I can peak over the window to look for "reindeer" skipping around with their babies. I smell the scent of candles burning and see picture frames wrapped like presents hanging on the walls. Grandma's apartment has turned into a winter wonderland. I see my Grandpa sitting on his chair; my Grandma and Aunt dancing around the kitchen. I feel warm and safe. Nothing can beat how pretty mommy looks tonight, or how handsome daddy is in his Christmas sweater, of course wearing the Christmas Mickey socks we got him the year before. Alec, Jenna and I lay on the floor, playing games and joking around with Gramps. I help Grandma set the table, and pour water in all of the glasses. We sit down, Grandma at one end, Grandpa at the other. I sit next to Grandpa. He always says the prayer. Grandpa never cries except on Christmas Eve. He talks about going to mass earlier in the day, and seeing the birthday cake with thousands of candles lit up for Jesus. He says how proud he is of his family and how much he loves us, even if he doesn't always do the best job at showing it. I think to myself, this isn't really how you say a prayer, is it? But, now I see, it is more of a prayer than many people will ever know in their lifetime. After we eat, Grandma starts passing around the oplatek (apparently that's what it's called). It's a wafer that is embossed with a picture of the nativity or Mary. She breaks it and gives it to my sister who's sitting next to her. As she hands it over, she offers Jenna a prayer. It makes its way around the table until we have all been given a prayer. Dinner's over, and it's time to look for Grandma & Grandpa's gift bags! They work all year to fill these bags for each of their children and grandchildren, usually with silly gifts that make us all laugh. Each of us has a turn to sit in the special Christmas chair and open our gifts with an applauding audience. After some dessert and coffee for the grown ups, Jenna and I put on our PJs and everyone knows it's about that time to be getting home.
We drive home and I wonder why the snow sparkles.
When we get home, everyone gets into their PJs, we set out some milk & cookies by the fireplace, and we all meet around the manger. We say a prayer and each put a piece of hay for every good deed we've done in the past day into Jesus' bed before we lay Him down to rest. It's Alec's turn this year to put the baby Jesus in his manger. I stay a little longer this year as everyone else goes off in their own directions. I watch the scene in front of me come to life. How could this little baby, so tiny and fragile, be so strong? It amazed me to think that this little baby would become Jesus Christ. Suddenly, I was confused. If it was Jesus' birthday, why was I waiting for presents? I go to the kitchen and pull out some crayons and paper. I make a birthday card for Jesus. I fold it up tight and put it in an envelope. Dear Santa, please drop this card off to Jesus before you go back to the North Pole. Thank you so much. Love, Dana. I run to the fireplace, stick the note under Santa's milk glass, and smile.
. . .
This year, things are different. I still love Christmas, but I just see things from a new perspective. I love the way Christmas holds such an important spot in our lives that we start filling our house up a week beforehand with family members. I love giving my bed up for my aunt and sharing a room with my brother and sister, even if that means we don't get much sleep because we can't stop joking around.
This is what Christmas is about, being together.
As I run through the mall, trying to get out with as little whip lash as possible, I notice how high-strung some of the people are around me. I can almost hear what's going on in their heads, never ending "to do" lists, etc etc.
But, Christmas isn't about the negative. Sure, we're being pressured in every direction to consume more & more. And, that's enough to make steam blow out of my ears. But, if I'm going to keep Christmas what it is for me, then I've got to be responsible for myself. I've taught a few yoga classes during this past week, so as I reflected on my intention for those classes, this is what came up: I have the ability to be at peace. I asked my students to bring to mind a stressful situation that always comes up with the holidays, whether it be a difficult relative, too much on the "to do" list, or dealing with the loss of a loved one at this time of year. I think for many of us, we can relate to each of these, and maybe more. During this time of year, we tend to glide back into tradition--whether that be good or not so good. If we're upset every year by the same person, what if we met them with new eyes this year? I urged my students to use their breath the way they use it during class: breathe through pain, persevere, and smile. Whatever the situation is, when you see yourself responding in a negative way, take a moment to close your eyes and just breathe. Now, the next part, I didn't say in my classes, but it's what I use for myself. After I take a moment to breathe, I ask myself how I can respond in the most loving way. A very wise person once told me to treat other people like royalty. I like that. And, that's what I try to do.
I can't change the way that the people around me celebrate Christmas. But, I can change how I respond. Instead of constantly fighting the over-consumption, I can stop critiquing and try to understand why it bothers me so much. It bothers me because it allows us a way to get through Christmas without once acknowledging the true meaning. But, I now see that if I spend all of my time wishing for this to change, I sure am not acknowledging the reason for the season either. So instead, this year, I want to be reflective and mindful throughout the celebrations & take some special time to be quiet within my own heart to be with Christ.
Throughout the last few months, living in East LA, and being part of a community that practices Latino Catholicism, I have grown more deeply attached to la Virgen. She is such a beautiful figure of courage, especially as a young woman.
This Christmas, I think about how open to life Mary was. I am humbled by her incredible strength and courage to say "yes" to God. She risked her life for God's will to be done. How amazing is her love? Her saying yes to God's question changed everything for us. Her trust in God and openness to life was so strong and her answer allowed us to be brought from death to life. There is a song written by Danielle Rose, the lyrics go: "O Mary, mother of Jesus, give me your heart, that I might receive Jesus." Every time that I walk up to receive the Eucharist, I sing these words in my head. Truly, Mary knew how to receive God in her life, and I yearn for a heart like hers; a heart that's open with no strings attached.
So, this year, I finally am ready to "say yes." For the last six years, I have been really thinking about officially becoming Catholic. Most people are confused when I say this, because they think I'm already Catholic. But, I'm not! Surprise! My brother, sister, and I were all baptized in the Greek Orthodox Church because my dad is Greek Orthodox. However, my mom is Catholic, so we've grown up with both churches. I feel really blessed to have had this because I see things that I love about each church.
I think the best decision that I ever made was to go on the ND Vision retreat the summer before going to college. This decision led me away from Indiana University (which I still think is an amazing place, just wasn't for me) to Saint Mary's College, which then led me to the University of San Diego, and ultimately to my involvement in the Jesuit Volunteer Corps. I had grown up attending public schools, but college was the perfect time for me to explore a Catholic education. I am who I am because I was so supported and fulfilled by the amazing experience of going to Catholic colleges. The opportunities that arose for deeper faith exploration and service were countless. I truly learned how to foster a life of faith, and that is more than I could ask for from any degree.
The Greek Orthodox Church is wonderful, and I will always love and continue to celebrate the traditions there. But, the Catholic church is home. It has changed who I am. I am definitely not blind, I am very aware of everything that is wrong with the Church. It's a lie to say that I agree with every teaching, every doctrine. I definitely don't. But, what's important is that I have found a community in the Church. I have found a community of people that are just trying to love one another. I think that almost every Church is like this, and we just need to find which one resonates with us individually.
So, tonight, I am saying "yes" in my own small way. I am becoming a Catholic. Father Paddy asked me to say a profession of faith at the Christmas Eve mass in order to make things official. It's just a small way for me to say yes to God; I believe that He has called me to this Church, and I am so excited and proud to finally be able to say, yes, I am Catholic. :)
So I leave you with this thought. What do you want to get out of Christmas this year? How can you deal with stress in a more productive and mindful way this year?
Most importantly, what can you do to say yes to God in your own life?
Remember to breathe <3
She was his girl; he was her boyfriend
She be his wife; take him as her husband
A surprise on the way, any day, any day
One healthy little giggling dribbling baby boy
The wise men came three made their way
To shower him with love
While he lay in the hay
Shower him with love love love
Love love love
Love love is all around
Not very much of his childhood was known
Kept his mother Mary worried
Always out on his own
He met another Mary for a reasonable fee, less than
Reputable as known to be
His heart was full of love love love
Love love love
Love love is all around
When Jesus Christ was nailed to the his tree
Said "oh, Daddy-o I can see how it all soon will be
I came to shed a little light on this darkening scene
Instead I fear I spill the blood of my children all around"
The blood of our children all around
The blood of our children all around
The blood of our children all around
So the story goes, so I'm told
The people he knew were
Less than golden hearted
Gamblers and robbers
Drinkers and jokers, all soul searchers
Like you and me
Rumors insisited he soon would be
For his deviations
Taken into custody by the authorities
Less informed than he.
Drinkers and jokers. all soul searchers
Searching for love love love
Love love love
Love love is all around
Preparations were made
For his celebration day
He said "eat this bread and think of it as me
Drink this wine and dream it will be
The blood of our children all around
The blood of our children all around"
The blood of our children all around
Father up above, why in all this anger have you filled
Me up with love
Fill me love love love
Love love love
Love love
And the blood of our children all around
-dmb
